Hard.

I wrote this post about a month ago, but never posted it. I decided to finally post. We responded to ICBF in April and have been waiting 8 weeks for a reply.

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This is hard. 
                      There is no other way to slice it.

I am weak.
                  There is no other way to say it.

We heard back from ICBF in Colombia about 2 months ago. 

They have concerns.

They aren't sure why we would want to adopt siblings when we already have children.

They think our home is too small.

They think we don't have enough.

Sigh.

What stops most people from considering adoption? Money.

And it stopped us for a few years because we didn't meet the USCIS (US immigration) guidelines.

But then we did.

We were no longer stopped.

And so we pulled a dossier together, got approvals from all over the place. 

And now we are told that we aren't rich enough. Our home isn't large enough. We already have two children.

It's hard.

We wonder why would God want us to say yes to three if Colombia is going to say no?

Why is our dossier in Colombia when it could be somewhere else with a yes?

Why are we fully funded when we could be years away from a referral and others need money right now?

How did we choose Colombia when adoption is changing so much there?

There are no answers.

But

I know this hard is nothing compared to the hard of being without a family.

I know His ways are not mine.

I know His grace is sufficient when I am a just a weakling. 

If I could, I would not choose a path with things done

in my way

or

in my time

because looking back through my life, His plan has always been better. Best.

But it's still hard.