I wrote this post about a month ago, but never posted it. I decided to finally post. We responded to ICBF in April and have been waiting 8 weeks for a reply.
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This is hard.
There is no other way to slice it.
I am weak.
There is no other way to say it.
We heard back from ICBF in Colombia about 2 months ago.
They have concerns.
They aren't sure why we would want to adopt siblings when we already have children.
They think our home is too small.
They think we don't have enough.
Sigh.
What stops most people from considering adoption? Money.
And it stopped us for a few years because we didn't meet the USCIS (US immigration) guidelines.
But then we did.
We were no longer stopped.
And so we pulled a dossier together, got approvals from all over the place.
And now we are told that we aren't rich enough. Our home isn't large enough. We already have two children.
It's hard.
We wonder why would God want us to say yes to three if Colombia is going to say no?
Why is our dossier in Colombia when it could be somewhere else with a yes?
Why are we fully funded when we could be years away from a referral and others need money right now?
How did we choose Colombia when adoption is changing so much there?
There are no answers.
But
I know this hard is nothing compared to the hard of being without a family.
I know His ways are not mine.
I know His grace is sufficient when I am a just a weakling.
If I could, I would not choose a path with things done
in my way
or
in my time
because looking back through my life, His plan has always been better. Best.
But it's still hard.
Ami,
Hang in there. God has a reason – I know it’s not always the thing you want to hear. I almost lost my adopted son at the “last minute”. We ended up in court for 10 hours watching two different forces fight for his adoptive home. My husband and I had no say in anything. It was if we didn’t matter. Sometime during that time in court things changed in me. He went from being, “a child we would like to adopt” to “MY SON”. Prayers changed. My heart changed. After, when he was diagnosed with Autism and life got HARD, I had that core feeling to fall back on. This is my son. I had God’s decision to fall back on, because I saw him place our son in our home. I knew no matter how hard it was (is) God placed him in my home, and heart. I could never deny it because it was a miracle the Judge let him stay with us. I never want to relive that week of court again. I would never change that week because it changed so much in me. š
God has a plan. It might not be for these kids – but maybe you had to be fully funded for a different kid. Your child(ren) – and maybe you wouldn’t have been if you had not gone through this first. I don’t know, but I do know God and I know he always has a plan and purpose – and it is good.
Oh, Amy. That is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine how very hard this must be. I’ll be praying that God makes his path known and finds a way.
I’m sorry it’s so hard. My prayers and heart go out to you.
praying, praying, praying for you and your family!
Praying for you all, Ami.