Well-written and beautifully illustrated picture books are at the tippy-top of my list of favorite things in this wide world. Next week I am starting a five day series merging that love with the topic that has consumed me for the past 14 months: adoption.
I have spent hours in the library looking for just the right books–the books I want to own and read to my children someday. Books that will spark conversations about the good and the hard.
And now I want to share my finds. Here is this week's line-up:
Day 1: Picture Books for Every Adoptive Family
Day 2: Picture Books for Transracial Adoptive Families
Day 3: Best Books for Latino Heritage Children
Day 4: Best Books for African Heritage Children
Day 5: Best Books for Asian Heritage Children
I hope you will join me next week, and if you know other adoptive families who need some reading material, please send them my way!
Our favorite adoption-related picture book is The Mulberry Bird (http://www.amazon.com/dp/1849059330). Find it. Read it. Love it. Then do it all over again. You won’t be disappointed. The story and the artwork are amazing (the version I have the URL for above is not the version we have — this is a newer edition and the artwork still seems pretty good in this one, but I like our 1996 edition, which has more realistic, natural depictions of the birds if you can find that one at the library or a used book store).
We have adopted five children through foster care and this has been a favorite for all of them over the years.
Thanks, R ~
I remember reading through the reviews on Amazon and not being sure it was a book I wanted to purchase, so I didn’t. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the complaints people have expressed.
š Ami
Sure, Ami, I’m happy to do that. I looked at the lowest ratings and their reviews and will address these…
On one of them, the reviewer writes: “Too much emphasis was put on the birth mother.”
Our children were 11, 6, 4, 2 and 2 when we adopted them. All of them had lived for a time with their birthmothers. I think that this period of time between conception and foster care and adoption, is the time period our children have the most difficult time understanding or finding answers about.
By the time we were reading this picture book together, they could see what their lives were like with their new family and that even though they were no longer with their birthmothers, they were safe and cared for. But the present, didn’t answer for the past.
I like that even though much of the story does represent the story addressing the birthmother’s perspective, it does not represent her as a monster or a terrible person.
As Christians, we all fall short of the glory of God and I know that I am as much a sinner as any of the kids’ birth parents. The mother bird and our kids’ birthmothers had unfortunate circumstances (as do we all), and I feel that their final acts of sacrifice for their children were to relinquish their rights and allow their children to be raised in a place where we — adoptive parents — are better supported through our circumstances and can better cope with the hardships of life.
The birthmothers’ care of their children may not have been adequate or even tolerable, but they are still someone we are told to love (as children of God) and not to judge or condemn.
I believe this helps our children’s opinion of self-identity greatly. They are not children who were unwanted. They are children who’s parent could not provide adequately for their needs and ultimately wanted something better for their child. This book shares that perspective.
As for the other “2-star” rating, the reviewer writes this: “The Mulberry Bird would be most appropriate for your family if you have a fairly closed international adoption where the birthmother took care of the child for a while before relinquishing him/her. It would not be as applicable in an open adoption situation or where the child was relinquished at birth.”
I can argue that this book represents all types of adoptions. Yes, the mother bird does care for her child for a short time and so I can see what the reviewer might be saying about it not being suitable for a child adopted at birth. However, I believe that life begins at conception and therefore, even as the child was within the birthmother, she may have faced many life struggles helping her to realize that she was not a suitable parent. It does not mean she did not love the child or make a sacrifice to give the child for adoption.
Just because the baby bird lives with his birthmom after hatching for a short while, does not mean the symbolism is not relevant to a child adopted at birth. After all, human children do not hatch from eggs like birds do, so if we’re not reading this book understanding that all things in the story are symbolic, then we are not reading the right book.
As far as the comment about it not being appropriate for open adoptions, I disagree. There are varying levels of open adoptions. I guess it’s up to the families to decide whether or not this book is relevant to their situation. Our children — adopted through foster care — do not see their birth parents. But the adoptions were all very much open. I am in touch with all of the birth families and when our children grow into adulthood, should they ask to reestablish a connection, we will gladly facilitate such a reunion.
Open adoption does not necessarily make this book irrelevant. There is still so much that can be grasped by reading this story repeatedly.
Do I feel that this book is inappropriate for younger children? (I saw one of the slightly higher ratings said that no one under ten should read this…) Our kids have read it or had it read to them at all ages from two and up. It has always been a great discussion starter. And it brings me new insights into where they are mentally and emotionally with regards to their understanding of their self-identity as they read the book at various ages and begin to grasp more and more of the story.
The younger children do not even realize that the story is symbolic of anything. For them, it is just a sad story of life struggles that ends in rejoicing for the child who finds safety and care with his adoptive family. It’s not until they are older that they begin to make those connections and like our youngest said to me at age six after about the 100th time with this book, “Hey mom, this story seems like it’s kind of like my life a little bit!” It was that a-ha moment for him that opened the door for some great conversations.
I have never had any of our children complain that story was too scary or that they got nightmares from it, but we know that there are many frightening things in this world and as parents it is our job to keep pointing the kids to the Lord who protects them and has not given them a spirit of fear and timidity.
I feel sorry for the families who have discarded this book in its entirety after a child feels afraid … what does this teach the child? That we should run from fear and stay afraid? I hope our children never learn this lesson, but continue to be bold and courageous in their faith and security that they are loved and cherished no matter their life circumstances.
I apologize for going on so long in the comment box… but hopefully this helps support my opinion that this book is wonderful. It is not a Christian book, per say, but the values supported within are in line with our family’s Biblical values. I hope you will give it a chance.
Thank you SO much! š